I didn’t think they should have you, I know it sounds cruel,
but I honestly thought that they couldn’t look after you,
things were always messed up, the house, the family,
you just couldn’t be brought into all of that you see.
Its like God knew that even though you would be loved,
just love alone would never be enough,
as I was in the car, I text your mum to say,
Hows Mya? How’s she doing? Im gonna meet her today.
I felt my heart rip in two when she told me the news,
the words just wouldn’t sink in, they couldn’t be true,
I felt so guilty but please let me explain why,
I promise baby, I never wanted you to die.
When Dad told me that my baby sister was here,
I didn’t feel happy because I was scared,
I didn’t think they could cope and take care of you,
I felt helpless and there was nothing that I could do.
But one week later, when I heard that you had died,
I felt sick, I just cried and cried,
I never got to see you, and I guess that was my fault,
I shoulda went sooner, I know, like I said it was my fault.
When I saw you lying there, all dead and cold,
I should have cried a thousand tears, you were one week old,
Dad made me hold you, I really didn’t want to,
I just wanted to stay distant so that I didn’t hurt too,
As he placed you in my arms, emotions went mad,
you were weightless and when I glanced up at Dad,
I don’t think Ive ever seen so much pain in his eyes,
he loved you and lost you, I couldn’t help but cry.
He wanted you to feel the sun beam down on your skin,
but the people said he couldn’t and when he brought you back in,
the guilt came flooding back, I knew that I was right,
it wasn’t meant to be, I couldn’t sleep that night.
Its strange cause everyone was more distraught than me,
I jus sat and cried feeling guilty,
I’m really sorry I never got to say hi,
I do love you, I promise I never wanted you to die,
you’ll be happier in heaven, Im sorry baby…goodbye ❤
Written in 2010 ©